I had my day all planned out. I was going to write my latest blog, have some lunch, and pick up Big Girl from school later this afternoon. All of those plans changed when my mom called around 11:00am. My Nanny had taken a fall out on her back porch and needed to be taken to the emergency room. Due to the deformity of her arm, we knew it was broken. She also hit her head and has a fairly large goose egg on it, so we’re looking at a CT scan and probably concussion protocol for the next little while. She’s conscious, and seems fine. She is waiting very impatiently and giving the nurses a hard time. She’s in pain, so I will give her a free pass.
On the drive to the ER, I can’t help but be flooded with memories with my Nanny. She kept me as a small child. I’ve always had a close relationship with her. She was my neighbor growing up. She was only a quick sprint through the pasture that separated our houses. She is the best cook I know! She makes a mean pot of chicken and dumplings. Her fried chicken is better than the Colonel’s! Her mashed potatoes are as smooth as silk. But my all time favorite dish that she makes is her red (pinto) beans. She puts ham in them for extra flavor. This is a southern staple. We make an entire meal out of beans in the south. I’ve never been able to recreate her beans with the thick and flavorful juice. Throughout my life I’ve probably eat my weight in those beans! Every time she makes a pot, she always calls me and sends me home with a huge bowl. I will miss these beans when she’s gone!
My Nanny is 81 years old. I hope that she lives for another 20 years and blesses our family with more memories of her! But the reality of it, is that she’s 81 years old! When someone gets to this age, you just don’t know how long you have with them. Really that is true for every age. We are not promised tomorrow.
Fishy Christmas is right around the age that Big Girl was when we lost my papa (her husband). He had to have a heart procedure done and never came out of the surgery. I was so sad that Big Girl would never have any memories of my papa. He was such a wonderful man. He was loved by many. I wanted her to be able to love him that way that so many have.
And now, four years later as I sit in this emergency room waiting to see how my Nanny is doing and I find myself having all of those same fears for Fishy Christmas. Wanting my Nanny to be around for enough years so that Fishy can get to know her and have memories to look back on. I want her to be around long enough to tell Fishy the story of when I was a little girl and brought back a skull to her house, crying because I thought it was the family dog that had recently died. This is a story that Nanny tells every time the family is together and reminiscing. Every. Single. Time.
I sit here and tears sting my eyes. I reflect on all of the good times that I have had with this woman. I’m dreading the day that the memory making comes to an end. I can’t hardly think about the day that I will have to get Big Girl up in my lap and tell her that Nanny has gone to heaven. She will cry a million tears and I will have to be as strong as ever. I will have to hold back my own tears and hide my own broken heart. I will have to help her heal and help her say goodbye. She will have so many questions and with each answer I give her, my heart will break a little more. I am not ready to do any of this. I want to shield my girls from ever having to go through this type of heartache.
Yes, I understand that this is just (hopefully) a minor injury. A minor bump in the road with a few painful days ahead. I sit here and reflect on all of the great memories I have had with her, and with my other grandparents that have passed. I’m reminded that I have so much to be thankful for as we drawn near the Thanksgiving holiday. I was fortunate enough to have all of my grandparents with me until my sophomore year in college! Many people are not able to say that! I had a close bond with all of my grandparents. They were each special people, whom I loved dearly. I’m looking forward to spending Thanksgiving at my Nanny’s house and hoping for many more holidays to be spent with her. I love this lady so much! I need to try and work on perfecting her bean recipe! I need to figure out all of the wonderful secrets she has to make her food taste so heavenly!
Update: Nanny is (pretty much) fine. She is however, going to need surgery to repair the fractures in her arm. It has been quite an interesting two days staying with her and taking care of her. It has been nice getting to spend so much time with my family, just an unfortunate circumstance. Check back for updates from her surgery!